No seriously.

Someone needs to teach me how to prepare healthy food.  In theory, it's easy.  In theory, you just gather healthy ingredients and you get healthy food.  However, this theory has been tested MANY TIMES in my kitchen and the results are always a disaster.  It is always low flavor no matter how many seasonings I sprinkle on.  It is always boring no matter what veggie I add.  We sit in front of beautifully arranged colorful plates, with snarls on our faces.  We try to eat it and pretend that it's good but really it just tastes like diet food.  
I think the big problem is we don't get a lot of good "extras" where I am.  We don't have fresh herbs readily available and we don't have  a wide array of vegetables.  For instance, the grocery store has "fresh" herbs in plastic packs in the fresh produce section.  Normally, the herbs inside the carton look like they may have the plague.  If you want to pick up bok choy, or fresh beets, or English cucumbers...they are limp, browning, rotten or dried up.  Perhaps there is a better selection in the ethnic markets but I don't have a clue where they are or who to ask about which markets are clean and reputable.
I would love to be able to grow my own food, but apparently I have the blackest of black thumbs.  I've killed everything I ever planted except a few basil plants that lived until I used them up.  I was thankful to get that much! 
So I'm at a loss.  I need cooking lessons for the healthy food impaired.  Where can I go?  Recipes don't help, I have a million of them but they normally call for fish, which we can only get frozen, fresh herbs, strange vegetables, WINE which I wouldn't know how to buy even if we did drink alcohol, or some other ingredient that I've never heard of.  Aren't there any simple recipes with beef, pork, chicken and regular veggies and seasonings that someone can teach me how to make?  I'm at a stand still.  I suppose I'll resort to grilled meat and salad, although we still have to have oil in our salad dressing to make it taste good.  We hate bottled dressings, so oil and vinegar or oil and lemon juice is what we usually use.  Sometimes I make homemade ranch but even that has a ton of calories, even when made with low fat sour cream and low fat milk or buttermilk. 
I feel like screaming.  Just this morning my daughter asked me, "why does everything good taste so bad?".  She was referring to her toast made with double fiber wheat bread.  
I don't know darlin', I just don't know.